Once again, we have arrived at another milestone. A mandatory and objective milestone that will unfortunately and undoubtedly beyond certainty include an almost identical post from Day 300. I don’t know about you, but with it being my birthday today, the LAST thing I want to to is spend the next 3-5 hours constructing a profoundly monumental and redundant display of my writing prowess.
I am sure that you are all aware of how things will transpire. (Another redundancy. How did all these other narrators wonder into this entry? Oh dear. Perhaps I have damaged the time-space continuum, rupturing the very fabric of time and space. Why else would there be two other narrators here? They had to have come from alternate dimensions, yet coincidentally, they resemble our same character. Unlike the other two, which are a little unpredictable, my annotations will be italicized, enclosed in parentheses. Looking at the beginning, oh dear! They have already made a couple slight changes! But I am already wasting enough of your time, aren’t I? Time to press on…) I will leave an introspective entry and then shift my point of view to first person. (Blah blah blah. Redundant!) I would then provide a predictable reaction from my Muse’s intended absence.
In a sheer attempt at humor, I redundantly acknowledge the composition of this entry…..again. How I talk about this being another milestone, and that this is just a cheap reconstruction of an entry made 100 days ago. How original! You would have to be exhausted to pull off something like that! (Either that, or you don’t want to do ANYTHING on your birthday. Heaven forbid!) How you are aware of how things will transpire. How I would leave an introspective….wait! This is getting too redundant, and is on the brink of being extremely absurd and ridiculous. Is it too late to start over? (Genius! Considering that you already typed the first two…nevermind. The other narrator already beat me to that annotation. Such a bother. I wanted to be first…) It clearly is, considering that you are all able to still see these first two paragraphs. With that, we will press on.
Blah blah blah….Long profound….wait! This is redundant! Wasn’t this mentioned in day 300? We know what happens next already. The overdone exposition about the Muse and why she is not here, approaching the tower (Yes. This tower is different from the one that you saw in Day 300. It always is! It’s different every 100 posts!) (It is, and to not confuse anyone, that wasn’t my annotation. I use italics!) Let’s avoid the redundancy about being redundant, shall we?
But, breaking away from the overly astute sarcastic narrations that get more and more repetitive and redundant with the passing of each 100th post, I notice that this tower is….different. Yes. The tower is a little bit taller (About 100 stories taller, to be exact! My are we smart!), but just to be sure. We will have a look inside and see….
Time to recycle some text from my previous entry, with some even more subtle edits to make it resemble something slightly different, with the attempt of sounding original and new, since these milestone posts would be boring without that. With an additional note stating that there will be even more subtle edits in this one! (And yet another note saying that these edits will be a little less subtle than before, since we like to mix things up. Go us. It’s our birth…No. It’s his birthday. Kyle. The other character. Happy birthday Kyle! Sorry that this note is too long!) Let’s take satire to a whole new level, criticizing the narration of the narration. (But that’s not enough, isn’t it? We just took satire up a few more notches by criticizing the narration of the narration of the narration. Whew! That’s redundant!) Oh, we better be careful with this one….
After standing there for a while, I finally entered through the door (once again). Sure enough, the same field was there (once again, of course. Wasn’t that edit clever? But this one was even more clever this time!). I was surrounded by the same lush greenery as before. But it was even greener. Greener than what this narration can describe. (Oh, we can go greener than that. It was so green that Kyle started getting a headache from the overwhelming greenness. So green that all the environmental groups gave this very post their highest award for the amazing greenery and clean air that they could smell when they closed their eyes, trying to imagine a world very much like the greenery in this post.) Green(er) and greenest clovers and wildflowers. Pink and red roses. Orange lilies. Purple daisies. Pink tulips. A
sea ocean of color. Nothing was different from what I experienced 100 days ago….Except for this slightly different yet repetitive narration, which you will probably yell at for interrupting the flow of the narrative once again. Really. Why does he do that? He’s either trying to be witty, funny, or just stupid. (I vote for all three. Seriously. Interrupting narratives? I would never do that! Oh wait. I just did. Nevermind…) Also, the narrator making harsh criticisms at the narration of this post is getting kind of old, don’t you think? Is he doing this to drive you mad, or does he just find this cheap form of satire amusing? Okay. You can stop now. Stop before you lose the audience. I said, stop! Quick! (I think you lost the weak ones, but the strong ones are ready and raring. No amount of annoying narrations can phase them. They’re unstoppable!)
The colorful flowering sea led to a rather tall structure that sat far in the distance. A tall structure that looked even taller than before. Again, this was getting too predictable, having already experienced this before. And quite redundant. Every 100 entries, the tower’s a little bigger. We get it.
The tower looked like an ornately decorated office building – for women. Wait! That’s sexist! Shouldn’t the colors and designs be more neutral? You are going to upset all the gentlemen that will be reading this entry, granted they even get this far from all the redundancies and meta-narrations over lazily inserted edits. But then that wouldn’t be fair for the ladies now, would it? Oh dear. I’m sure that we’re going to be at a stalemate on this one. Why don’t we make it a color and design that neither gender cares about. Now that would be the fair thing to do, right? But upon doing that, the designer of the tower disagreed, being the queen of fashion. The pink and white accents ran up and down the gold-adorned structure. The diamond-studded glass had a pink tint to it. (Oh please! The designer can only think of the ladies, can’t she? Well, I never!)
“A pink office building,” I said to myself. “Can’t my Muse be any more original?”
Let’s cut to the chase, and find out if this tower really is different. Really. Please! These meta-narrations and redundancies are getting tiring to read! (Huh? What? Sorry. All of those tiring meta-narrations of narrations and redundancies have put me to sleep. But I do have to admit. That was a splendid nap!)
I got attention of the same receptionist who sat there, typing 100 days back.
“So, is this the same Tower of Muses as before?” I asked her, just to make sure.
My Muse shook her head again and smiled (again, since this has already happened before). “No, silly! This tower is a little different. And there’s a teleporter thingy that will take you to the 301st floor!”
I nodded, with a slight grin on my face. And this was mainly due to the deja vu. “And this floor is still….”
“Floor 1,” she recited. “ExperiMENTAL. Tee hee….”
And of course the Dark Muse, which was then a bad idea, was just beginning to affect my Muse at this time….”Thank you,” I told her, proceeding forward to the mysterious portal that sat past the white service desk just before the elevators.
Wait a second! More recently, didn’t the Dark Muse come here to eat the first 100 Muses? That would mean that the receptionist must have just returned. But that story arc was over 100 days ago! Now up to date, let’s get back to the story.
Upon entering the portal, she was right. I entered a new room, which resembled a different lobby. But this lobby had no exit, since this was the 301st floor.
Approaching a service desk decorated with oranges, blues, pinks, yellows and greens, I saw a different Muse sitting there. But she wasn’t typing. In fact, she got up in a frenzied panic and hid underneath her desk after I got to this floor. It was only a split second that I saw her typing….
“G-g-go away!” she shouted. “Y-you almost gave me a panic attack!”
At this, I sighed. “But what floor am I on?”
The Shy Muse whimpered. “You’re not going away, are you?”
“Not until you tell me what floor I’m on.” I told her.
The Shy Muse began to twitch in nervous spasms “Okay fine! If you’ll go away after this…You are on the “Just Shy” floor. Now go…ahh!!! You just made me have an accident! Now go. Before I die of embarrassment!”
I hurried away, as the Shy Muse magically cleaned her embarrassing mess. After that, I heard her talking to herself.
“I love this floor, since it describes who I am to a tee, 99 days ago….A completely shy woman. Is he leaving yet? I don’t like him being here…”
I looked at the elevators that were past her desk. “I would like to go to floor 400 now!” I shouted from the distance.
At this, the Shy Muse gasped. “Eeeep! You’re still here? Go ahead! Whatever gets you off this floor the fastest…”
I advanced further to the elevators. I once again heard the Shy Muse as she talked to herself.
“Why doesn’t he try the other floors? Actually, I don’t want him here at all. I wish that he would leave this tower. Oh, that would be nice…”
I then sighed, and quite deliberately broke the fourth wall. The overly redundant redundancies have reached their limit for this post! Would you really want me to actually pick 6 to 8 random floors and stop on them? Sorry. It’s not going to happen this time, either. If you really wish to hear my discussion on the floors, you can visit any one of them by clicking on the links near the bottom of this post. Okay. If we don’t visit them, perhaps we should do this instead. I will briefly recap some of my favorite floors, after I have taken a few minutes to determine what they are.
There. After several minutes of reviewing all 99 entries, thinking and making a much needed edit over the older text, I have my list. It’s right here! I have it on my lap. Let’s see….I will put this in list form so that it will be easier for you to read. My favorite floors are:
Floor 301 – Just Shy
An entry with a double meaning. I share what I learned at the Toastmasters Spring Conference and then visit my painfully shy Muse.
Floor 311 – A Little Shy
What’s worse than a shy Muse? A shy Dark Muse, of course! My unsuccessful encounter with her tells it all.
Floor 314 – Restless Sunday
Another moody rant? Don’t get used to them, because this is one of the last ones. To top that, to satisfy the inner yearnings of my heart, I force the shy Dark Muse to spend a little time with me. A good one, indeed.
Floor 315 – A Sad Farewell
When a Toastmasters Club is on the verge of closing, it’s never a good thing. In this one, I recount my memories and say goodbye to a Toastmasters club that I was in for almost five years.
Floor 327 – The Crispy Crab
My first experience ever with a food truck. A very delicious one at that. A definite must read.
Floor 334 – Vampires
Do you ever feel like you’re getting your very life sucked out of you? It can happen with hobbies, relationships and work. In this one, I share my encounter with my “vampire”, and how I deal with it.
Floor 344 – Where the Passion Lies
My dream of becoming an established writer. That’s pretty much what this one’s about. Read it. DO IT NOW!
Floor 346– Mandatory Fun on the Way
What can be more fun than a piece where I eagerly anticipate the arrival of Weird Al’s final album? Exactly my point. Go on and read this one, and order the album while you’re at it.
Floor 348 – New Phone
Sooner or later, my Dumb Phone had to go. Although it was a Dumb Phone, it was my best friend, and I kept it to the bitter end. In summary, this one’s about the demise my crimson flip-phone and how I made a new friend with an “extravert”. Heartfelt, riveting and amazing. Read it and see for yourself.
Floor 359 – The Thirteen Days of Al Begins…
How do you count down the release of Weird Al’s final album? There’s only one way to do it. By listening to every one of his past albums in a thirteen day span. That’s how.
Floor 365 – One Year and Counting
My Muse’s surprise gift, complete with an epically long number loaded with more references to past post titles than what you can shake a stick at! In this special one-year anniversary tribute, I also have a special conversation with my Muse, and share my future plans regarding this experiment.
Floor 367 – Moving Up
Promotions are good, because I just got one at work. Read about the excitement here.
Floor 372 – Mandatory Fun
In this one, I share my excitement on Weird Al’s final album and I discover something a little off about my Muse…
Floor 375 – New Car Smell
Besides cleaning the inside of my car, this one is worth noting. The problems reach a climax when my Muse decides to pay the Shy Muse a visit. Chaos ensues…
Floor 385 – July, you disappoint me…
In this one, I express my disappointment with the abnormally lower than average July temperatures. And when the Muse wants to visit the Dark Muse, you know something is very wrong. The chaos reaches its climax here. Definitely a must read.
Floor 397 – Pay Day – The Aftermath
What happens on the day after pay day? I tell you just that. Also, the dramatic conclusion to the Shy Muse saga! A good ending and a must read.
Wow! It looks like I had lot more favorites than what I thought. I even included one more than last time! Maybe I should’ve narrowed the list. But it’s too late now. Onward to the 400th floor….
The Shy Muse, having heard the whole conversation, was in tears, balled up in a fetal position.
“Why won’t you leave?” she wailed. “My heart is about to give out. I’m having a panic attack…”
“No you’re not.” I told her, as I conveniently used the executive privileges. “I’ll be leaving momentarily, so don’t worry about your heart!”
To that, she impatiently whined, completely anxious and jittery. Not wasting anymore time, I proceeded to the elevators. I then pressed the up button a few times, like I did last time. Where are the elevators? With this many, I would think that at least one would be ready for me! A few seconds later, I entered the first elevator door that opened. It just happened to be the one next to me.
I entered the elevator and pressed the 400 button. Moments later, the doors closed.
Several moments passed. At this point, Kyle decided to be a little more unoriginal and once again reused some material from the previous milestone entry. Perhaps he’ll make it a little different so that they’ll never notice. Just enough changes to throw off the audience. How lazy of him! Can’t he get his brain thinking of any more original ideas? But Kyle would have none of that. (Because today is his birthday, and has outsourced all of his creativity. Sorry, birthday boy. Happy birthday! I made you a cake, and it’s not a lie! Don’t believe me? Just read the end of the post. It’s right there, plain as day!) He is just as determined to bring this fourth milestone post to an abrupt end. The good old recycled zinger. They’ll never notice! Unless the narrator reminds them….Italics! Of course! Why didn’t the other narrator think of this? (Fortunately, I was the one that actually remembered the italics. Ooh! Bold looks nice, too. But of course we don’t forget the italics, because we think of everything!)
Finally, moments later, the elevator arrived at the 400th floor.
Like the 300th floor before it, this floor was an enormous room, lavishly decorated, with everything that you saw before, only more exaggerated. Blah blah blah….Now for more redundancies! It was even more enormous and even more lavish. In fact, so enormous and lavish that it could not get anymore enormous or lavish again. Just wait until the 400th day. You’ll see…. And sure enough, I was right. The room was just as enormous and lavish as before. How can it get anymore enormous or lavish? Oh, you didn’t believe me when you read post 300. I told you that it couldn’t and sure enough everything came to pass. It’s right there in black and white. It can’t be changed either, so don’t even bother trying to change it. A desk sat in one corner and a king-sized bed sat in the other. Pretty much the same room as the 300th story, the 200th story and the 100th story before it, only the room was the same size as the 300th story (Didn’t think I would catch that detail, huh? Remember the fine print on post 300…) and the bed was light blue.
Oh! We agreed not to meddle with the following paragraph! As much as we want to, we can’t. It just wouldn’t be right…. (Enough already! All of these other narrators are getting annoying! Other? Yes. I know that there are only two other narrators but they have sang their last song. I’m very sorry that I have to do this, but they leave me with no other choice. Narrators! Both of you! You have redundancied your last redundancy. You think that it’s cute and cheeky to apply sharp criticisms rife with sarcasm to various segments of this milestone post? That’s my job! There’s only room enough for one narrator around here. Any last words before I banish you to the infinite realm of sadness?) You are a cheeky (Uh uh uh! Kyle doesn’t want any profanity in this post.) Fine! Good clean fun it is. What gives you any right to get rid of me? I was here first… (And I came second, like someone late to the party. Don’t I get any consolation prize?) (You do. You get to say goodbye forever. Three narrators in one post is too much, don’t you think?) We were just fine before you came. And us, too! We don’t always use parentheses, you know. (But I do, and it pains me to say this. Goodbye forever! May you both never redundancy a post again. Farewell! Parting is such sweet sorrow…) Noooooooooo!!!! I should’ve never made my remarks in the first place… (And if you don’t think they’re gone, just check the 500th post! There won’t be a trace of them! You’ll see…Oh. And I’ll see you in the next edition. Ta ta!)
And on the bed laid my Muse. She was fast asleep, with a note attached to her. It didn’t surprise me that she was sleeping, considering that creating this tower probably took so much out of her. Now I’m going to guess that the note will mention that the computer in this room will have this entry already typed. That even includes the later parts that you haven’t seen yet! Am I right? And this further adds to the redundancies that exist in this post already!
Attached to her hand was a note. And this is what it said:
To my master,
I made this tower for you and me. This is to honor your hard work and dedication for another 100 days of hardship, bringing the total up to 400. Thank you for your dedication to keeping this project going daily. If you look at your computer, the last entry is already written. I am still forever grateful to your kindness, your dedication to saving me and your gratitude.
P.S. Happy Birthday!
I then looked next to the bed and noticed a directory which was much like the 300th floor, the 200th floor and 100th floor before it. However, this was the directory for the Tower of Muses, only it covered only the next 100 floors. I looked at the directory.
The Tower of Muses – Directory – Floors 301-400
Floor 301 – Just Shy Floor 301b – Bonus 6 – Shying Away Floor 302 – Purrfection Floor 303 – Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200 Floor 304 – Summer Preview Floor 305 – Latest. Green Haircut. Ever. Floor 306 – Another Shift, Another Movie Floor 307 – Happy Mother’s Day! Floor 308 – Movie Review Backlog Floor 309 – Two Hours? Floor 310 – Two More Hours Floor 311 – A Little Shy Floor 312 – A Roller Coaster Ride Floor 313 – Short and Sweet 89 – Seven Hours of Insanity Floor 314 – Restless Sunday Floor 315 – A Sad Farewell… Floor 316 – Lucy Gets Fixed Floor 317 – Short and Sweet 90 – Survivor Finale Night Floor 318 – Taking a Breather Floor 319 – Little Nuisance Floor 320 – Green Haircut Marathon Floor 321 – Relationship and Obedience Floor 322 – Memorial Day Floor 323 – Field of Muses Floor 324 – Not Your Typical Day Floor 325 – Job Search – Now with 777% More Confidence! Floor 326 – Green Haircut – TGIF Edition Floor 327 – The Crispy Crab Floor 328 – Cold Invasion Floor 329 – Cold Invasion Part II – Under the Weather Floor 330 – Election Preparations Floor 331 – Six Hours of Work and Now THIS? Floor 332 – Toastmasters – Week 6 Floor 333 – Thai Curry Floor 334 – Vampires Floor 335 – Leftover Pizza Floor 336 – Olive Garden Floor 337 – Summer Writing Floor 338 – More Rain Floor 339 – Toastmasters Vacation Floor 340 – I am Tired Floor 341 – Time for Some Me Time… Floor 342 – Happy Father’s Day! Floor 343 – A Few Random Thoughts Floor 344 – Where the Passion Lies Floor 345 – Northwood Job Floor 346 – Mandatory Fun on the Way… Floor 347 – Friday Shift and Early Bedtime Floor 348 – New Phone Floor 349 – Green Haircut – 2014 Summer Edition Floor 350 – Finally… Floor 351 – 3,103 Songs and Counting Floor 352 – Yawns and Smiles Floor 353 – My Friend’s Birthday Floor 354 – Cereal Shopping Day Floor 355 – Late Shift Floor 356 – TV Dinners Floor 357 – Some odds and ends… Floor 358 – Happy July, eh? Floor 359 – The Thirteen Days of Al Begins… Floor 360 – In 3-D Floor 361 – Happy Independence Day! Floor 362 – Catchup Day Floor 363 – Easy Sunday Floor 364 – Goodwill Interview: Round Two Floor 365 – One Year and Counting Floor 366 – Club Visit and Late Shift Floor 367 – Moving Up Floor 368 – Brain Freeze: Part II Floor 369 – Morning Shift and Dinner Floor 370 – Friend Day Floor 371 – Mandatory Fun is on the Way Floor 372 – Mandatory Fun Floor 373 – Green Haircut and a Long Shift Floor 374 – Vacation With a Hint of Toastmasters Floor 375 – New Car Smell Floor 376 – Greetings From Hubbard Lake! Floor 377 – Weekend Aftermath – The Short Version Floor 378 – Pizza and Toastmasters Floor 379 – Open Up and Say Ah… Floor 380 – Morning Shift and Lasagna Night Floor 381 – Green Haircut, free brownies and a Day Off Floor 382 – Eight Hour Shift Floor 383 – Work and A Relay for Cereal Floor 384 – Really Early Shift Floor 385 – July, you disappoint me… Floor 386 – A Green Haircut and a Clean Bathroom Floor 387 – Friend Visit – Now With The Colonel’s Secret Recipe! Floor 388 – Morning Shift and a Toastmasters Meeting Floor 389 – Birthday Countdown Floor 390 – Leftover Thai Curry Floor 391 – Day Five Floor 392 – Day Six – The Final Hurdle Floor 393 – Moving Forward Floor 394 – More Toastmasters Floor 395 – Oven Shift Floor 396 – Closing Shift Training Floor 397 – Pay Day – The Aftermath Floor 398 – Easy Like Sunday Morning Shift Floor 399 – Birthday Eve Floor 400 – Happy Birthday! Floor 400 – Tower of Muses: The Fourth Ascent
The high today is going to be 72 degrees and the silver lining is having this 400th post made.
To all of you who have ever completed a major milestone, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.
Just like entry 300, she’s right! The entire entry is typed! And there’s that message at the end! Aw…..How thoughtful. I don’t understand how a narrator got into my post….And it looks like another one got in too! And a third one? He gets rid of the first two and it’s just one again. Oh well…
Huh? What’s this cake doing here? Oh yeah! It’s not a lie! Thanks narrator…
Now I’ll….What’s going on? Just like before! It’s happening once again! On the bed! My Muse is flashing….