Me & My Muse – Day 900: Tower of Muses: The Ninth Ascent

Once again, we have arrived at another milestone.   A mandatory and objective milestone that will unfortunately and undoubtedly beyond certainty include an nearly identical post from Day 800.  I don’t know about you, but with it being Christmas, the LAST thing I want to do is spend the next 3-5 hours constructing a profoundly monumental and redundant display of my writing prowess.

I am sure that you are all aware of how things will transpire.  (Another exciting redundancy as usual, but it’s still me from last time!  The very same me from the 800th entry!  You don’t believe me, do you?  Well, go back and read the 800th entry and then go and tell me who’s lying.  And while we’re on redundancies, how much longer is he going to recycle this piece of rubbish?  I’m all about saving the environment, but recycling this for the eighth time in a row?  This is getting ridiculous!  There hasn’t been anything original since entry 100!  Oh well.  I need to acknowledge his busy life, as I am quite busy myself, re-narrating this over-narrated narration… For now, we will continue with this cheaply contrived recycled piece of milestone rubbish, rife with wit, dry humor, satire and sarcasm. Smashing!  I don’t think that I will change a thing!  Although I did change “700th” to “800th” and “seventh” to “eighth” but now we’re just nit-picking, aren’t we?  And while we’re at it,  why don’t we recycle almost everything in this entire post?  Wait!  What I just included was new!  So much for sticking to my plan…*sigh*  Oh!  And don’t worry!  I did look at the calendar today.  Merry Christmas!  Glad this was written far in advance, so that you wouldn’t have to lift a finger on this special holiday…)  I will leave an introspective entry and then shift my point of view to first person. (Blah blah blah.  Redundant again!  REDUNDANCY WARNING! How many more times are you going to recycle this?  Wait!  I’ve said that already!  Well it’s a good thing that I have included that redundancy warning!  Otherwise, you would not have been forewarned of said redundancies. What?  Did you really think that I was going to forget about it?  I remembered!  Go me!  I rock!)  I would then provide a predictable reaction from my Muse’s intended absence.

In a sheer attempt at humor, I redundantly acknowledge the composition of this entry.  How I talk about this being another milestone, and that this is just a cheap reconstruction of an entry made 100 days ago.  (Not quite.  I removed the highlighted grammatical changes and included a note to the reader to  reread the 800th entry which would provide a basis of proof that I am the same narrator that narrated 100 days ago.  I also wished the reader Merry Christmas.  Wait!  The removed grammatical changes were from entry 700!  My bad!  I guess that’s what I get for leaving everything the same…)  How original!  You would have to be exhausted to pull off something like that! How I am aware of how things will transpire.  How I would leave an introspective…wait!  This is getting too redundant, and is on the brink of being extremely absurd and ridiculous.  Is it too late to start over?  (Genius!  Considering that you already typed the first two paragraphs, I would just delete them.  Just be sure to save my interjections.  They’re pure gold, I tell you!  Nevermind…You kept them…) With that, we will press on.

Blah blah blah…Long profound…wait!  This is redundant!  Wasn’t this mentioned in day 800?  We know what happens next already.  The overdone exposition about the Muse and why she is not here, approaching the tower (Yes. This tower is different from the one that you saw in Day 800.  It always is!  It’s different every 100 posts!) Let’s avoid the redundancy about being redundant, shall we?

But, breaking away from the overly astute sarcastic narrations that get more and more repetitive and redundant with the passing of each 100th post, I notice that this tower is… (An ellipses with four dots!  I thought that I corrected them all last time!  Oh well…Narrators aren’t always the best proofreaders, I guess…But narrators can be excellent at recycling, considering that there are no improper ellipses to correct this time…) different.  Yes.  The tower is a little bit taller (About 100 stories taller, to be exact!  My are we smart!), but just to be sure.  We will have a look inside and see…

Time to recycle some text from my previous entry, with some subtle edits to make it resemble something slightly different, with the attempt of sounding original and new, since these milestone posts would be boring without that.  (I’m all for originality!  Let’s be brave!  Let’s make something slightly different so that no one will ever notice!)

After standing there for a while, I finally entered through the door.  Sure enough, the same field was there…only this time, it was covered in snow (You see what I did there?  I figured that the field should be covered in snow, with this being Christmas and all.  Consider it as another Christmas gift from me!  Merry Christmas!  And before you even begin with the thanking, you’re welcome!  We should really change the scenery a little bit.  But we just did!  Didn’t you see the snow?  Hello?  Maybe in a later one, perhaps?  But this is entry 900!  Maybe we’ll wait until 1000…Or maybe not.  Having a little snow and some decorations is change enough, don’t you think?  Oh!  The decorations!  Shhh!  Just pretend I didn’t say that…).  I was surrounded by the same lush greenery as before…only the greenery was covered in snow, so it really wasn’t green at all. (The snow-covered greenery was so white that Kyle was overjoyed with ecstasy from the overwhelming whiteness.  So white that Snow White filed a lawsuit for the snow being too white, but decided to change her mind when she realized that the date that she was filing this very lawsuit was on Christmas.  Thank you for changing your mind, Ms. White!  Maybe if you had more of an open mind, you would be able to close your eyes and embrace the wonderful snowy whiteness that is in this whitishly white field instead of filing a frivolous lawsuit over snow that is apparently whiter than yours.  I mean, really!  Well, I never!)  Snow-covered clovers and wildflowers.  Pink and red poinsettias.  Bushes, Frasers and Spruces all decorated with a brilliant display of lights.  A luminescent sea of color. And with it being dark out, everything was different from what I experienced 100 days ago.  (Except for the few changes that I decided to keep.  My, am I on a roll today!)

The colorful luminescent sea led to a rather tall structure that sat far in the distance.  A tall structure that looked even taller than before.  Again, this was getting too predictable, having already experienced this before.  And quite redundant.  Every 100 entries, the tower’s a little bigger.  We get it.

The tower looked like a finely decorated skyscraper on steroids.  There were lights and wonderful decorations everywhere, with two nutcrackers that stood like sentries outside the entrance.  The numerous strings of multi-colored LED lights ran up and down the decorated structure.  The tower had a giant ornately decorated star on the top.  (Again, I went overboard with the decorations for your sake.  Merry Christmas! Best wishes and warm greetings, The Narrator.)

“That tower looks amazing.” I said to myself.  “All those lights and decorations…I’m glad that my Muse decided to decorate it for Christmas!”

Let’s cut to the chase, and find out if this tower really is different.

I got attention of the same receptionist who sat there, typing 100 days back.

“I know that the outside is nicely decorated, but is this the same Tower of Muses as before?” I asked her, just to make sure.  (Oh, come on!  You ask her that every single time!  Shouldn’t you know the answer already?)

My Muse shook her head again and smiled.  “No, silly!  This tower is a little different.  And there’s a teleporter thingy that will take you to the 801st floor! And thanks for acknowledging the decorations.  Merry Christmas!  Tee hee!”

I nodded, with a slight grin on my face.  And this was mainly due to the deja vu.  “And this floor is still…”

“Floor 1,” she recited.  “ExperiMENTAL.  Tee hee…”

And of course the Dark Muse, which was then a bad idea, was just beginning to affect my Muse at this time… (*sigh*) ”Thank you,” I told her, proceeding forward to the mysterious portal that sat past the white service desk just before the elevators.

Upon entering the portal, she was right.  I entered a new room, which resembled a different lobby.  But this lobby had no exit, since this was the 801st floor.

Approaching a stained white colored service desk, I saw a different Muse sitting there.  But she wasn’t typing.  In fact, she looked up right after I got to this floor.  It was only a split second that I saw her watching TV…

“Welcome, Kyle.” she announced.  “You are on the “The Fat Muse Sings” floor.  This floor is not one of my favorites, since it captures who I am, 99 days ago…I just hate being fat!”

I nodded, and looked at the elevators that were past her desk.  “I would like to go to floor 900 now.”

At this, my Muse smiled.  “Go on!  I was fat and miserable most of the time.  There’s no way that I want to relive that…”

I advanced further to the elevators.  I then sighed, and quite deliberately broke the fourth wall.   The overly redundant redundancies have reached their limit for this post!  Would you really want me to actually pick 6 to 8 random floors and stop on them?  Sorry.  It’s not going to happen this time, either.  If you really wish to hear my discussion on the floors, you can visit any one of them by clicking on the links near the bottom of this post.  Okay.  If we don’t visit them, perhaps we should do this instead.  I will briefly recap some of my favorite floors, after I have taken a few minutes to determine what they are.

There.  After several minutes of reviewing all 99 entries, thinking and making a much needed edit over the older text,  I have my list.  It’s right here!  I have it on my lap.  Let’s see…I will put this in list form so that it will be easier for you to read.  My favorite floors are:

Floor 801 – The Fat Muse Sings

Not the fat lady, but my Muse.  But does she really sing?  How do I take to this new form of my Muse?  Read and find out.

Floor 810 – Pizza, anyone?

What happens when you order a lot of pizzas?  You get an interesting entry to read.  Maybe not a lot unless you consider four to be a lot.  This read is good to the last slice and ready when you are.  Why don’t you give it a try?  It’s really good and it’s free.

Floor 811 – Sunday Catch-up day

What is going on with my Muse?  The Fat Muse saga continues, and my is it putting on weight!  Read it for yourself and see what I mean.

Floor 813– Swatting a few flies…

Not flies on a wall, but virtual flies.  And I accomplish something special too.  Grab your fly swatter and read this entry.  There are still plenty of flies swarming about.

Floor 822 – ThursNESday

This is the first of many of my NESday entries.  With something being an in-joke with my friend, I now use it as a reference to him coming over.  Read it and check it out.

Floor 834 – Power Outage

When a local outage hits my area, you’re left with a hollow shell of an entry.  Not much there, but I explain why it’s so short.  That’s about it.  It’s kind of dark, so read it with a flashlight.

Floor 835 – Welcome to the Future, Marty!

With Back to the Future Day finally here, I give Marty McFly a warm welcome to the year 2015.  It’s definitely a classic that you don’t want to miss.  And if you do, get a DeLorean and travel back to this period.  Quick!  Do this and read the entry, before you cause a time paradox!


The GERSBERMS girl gets a little airtime as I share my excitement about seeing the upcoming Goosebumps movie.  Why are you still reading this?  Go and read the entry!  RERD IT NERW!

Floor 838 – Sweet Saturday

Despite this Saturday being sweet, a story arc has put on some more weight.  What’s going on with the Fat Muse now?  Grab that extra burger and read this entry.  Oh, and don’t forget the extra back of chips.  And the extra large drink!  And the plate of chocolate chip cookies!

Floor 842 – Three Wheel Car

How can  a three-wheel car operate?  Of course I’m not talking about a real car, but a metaphor to describe how my day at work went.  If you’re missing a wheel, it’s okay.  Read this entry and you’ll find out that you can do well without it.

Floor 849 – Toastmasters District 62 Fall Conference Aftermath

Another classic recap from one of the Toastmasters conferences that I went to.  And with this one being on Halloween weekend, it was really good!  Get your costume, help yourself to the leftover candy and read this entry.  There’s nothing to be afraid of…

Floor 868 – Good Grief!

Just an attention-grabbing title referencing my excitement of seeing the Peanuts Movie.  And if you want to do Charlie Brown a favor, I would read this.  Do it for me, but more importantly, do it for him.

Floor 878 – O Christmas Tree

With Beard’s Lakeview Farm done selling trees for good, a new tradition has begun in the quest for choose and cut Christmas trees.  The story takes my family to Kluck Nursery.  Bundle up, get your work gloves and read this entry.  I guarantee that you can cut this one down.

Floor 884 – You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

Who is this Grinch?  I’ll give you a clue.  He lives right here in America.  Could it be you?  Don’t give a cry.  Not a single loud shout.  Just read this bold entry and you will find out.

Floor 886 – Cutting the Fat

So are we going on a diet now?  No.  But this story arc is about to lose a lot of weight!  In this one, you’ll find the dramatic conclusion to the Fat Muse saga!  Get on that treadmill and start reading.  And don’t forget your sweatband.

Wow!  It looks like I had lot more favorites than what I thought.   I included a little more than last time!  Maybe I should’ve narrowed the list.  But it’s too late now.  Onward to the 900th floor…

My Muse, having heard the whole conversation, grinned.

“It’s amazing how much you know about those floors!” she told me.  “Especially since you haven’t even visited them…”

“Oh, I don’t need to…” I told her.  “I lived them!”

To that, she responded with a satisfied nod, and I proceeded to the elevators.  I then pressed the up button a few times.  Where are the elevators?  With this many, I would think that at least one would be ready for me! A few seconds later, I entered the first elevator door that opened.  It just happened to be the one next to me.

I entered the elevator and pressed the 900 button.  Moments later, the doors closed.

Several moments passed.  At this point, Kyle decided to be a little more unoriginal and once again reused some material from the previous milestone entry.  Perhaps he’ll make it a little different so that they’ll never notice.  Just enough changes to throw off the audience.  How lazy of him!  Can’t he get his brain thinking of any more original ideas?  But Kyle would have none of that.  He is just as determined to bring this ninth milestone post to an abrupt end.  The good old recycled zinger.  They’ll never notice!  Unless the narrator reminds them

Finally, moments later, the elevator arrived at the 900th floor.

Like the 700th floor before it,  this floor was an enormous room, lavishly decorated.  A desk sat in one corner and a king-sized bed sat in the other.  Pretty much the same room as the 800th story, 700th story, 600th story, the 500th story, the 400th story, the 300th story, the 200th story and the 100th story before it, only the room was the same size as the 800th story, 700th story, 600th story, 500th story, 400th story and 300th story and the bed was light blue.

Oh!  We agreed not to meddle with the following paragraph!  As much as we want to, we can’t.  It just wouldn’t be right…

And on the bed laid my Muse.  She was in her fat form once again and fast asleep, with a note attached to her.  It didn’t surprise me that she was sleeping, considering that creating this tower probably took so much out of her.  Now I’m going to guess that the note will mention that the computer in this room will have this entry already typed.    That even includes the later parts that you haven’t seen yet!  Am I right?  And this further adds to the redundancies that exist in this post already!

Attached to her hand was a note.  And this is what it said:

To my master,

I made this tower for you and me.  This is to honor your hard work and dedication for another 100 days of hardship, bringing the total up to 900.  Thank you for your dedication to keeping this project going daily.  If you look at your computer, the last entry is already written.  I am still forever grateful to your kindness, your dedication to saving me and your gratitude.


Your Muse

P.S.  With this entry falling right on Christmas, I wanted to make it extra special.  I hope that you liked all the lights and decorations that I ordered the Narrator to do for me.  I would do it myself, but I’m my fat form again.  On the desk by the computer, I saved you a cookie and a glass of egg nog.  Please enjoy it as a gift from me.  Merry Christmas!  XOXOXOXOXO  (X’s are kisses, and O’s are hugs, of course.  Tee hee…)

I then looked next to the bed and noticed a directory which was much like the 800th floor, 700th floor, 600th floor, the 500th floor, the 400th floor, the 300th floor, the 200th floor and 100th floor before it.  However, this was the directory for the Tower of Muses, only it covered only the next 100 floors.  I looked at the directory.


The Tower of Muses – Directory – Floors 801-900

Floor 801 – The Fat Muse Sings  Floor 802 – Phew! It’s Friday.  Floor 803 – Super Saturday  Floor 804 – Slow Sunday  Floor 805 – Manic Monday  Floor 806 – Summer Outro  Floor 807 – Survivor of the Fittest  Floor 808 – Area Speech Contest  Floor 809 – One more hurdle…  Floor 810 – Pizza, anyone?  Floor 811 – Sunday Catch-up day  Floor 812 – Another Friend Visit  Floor 813 – Swatting a few flies…  Floor 814 – The Marathon Begins…  Floor 815 – The Marathon Continues  Floor 816 – Green Haircut Marathon  Floor 817 – I Made it…  Floor 818 – That’s My Story and I’m Sticking to it  Floor 819 – Mario Maker (In a literal sense)  Floor 820 – Toastmasters and Taco Bell Tuesday  Floor 821 – Time Crunch  Floor 822 – ThursNESday  Floor 823 – It’s Finally Friday…Sweet!  Floor 824 – A Contest and a Clean Car  Floor 825 – Short Entry…  Floor 826 – MonNESday  Floor 827 – *yawn* Tuesday…  Floor 828 – Survivor Time  Floor 829 – More Meetings  Floor 830 – Dinner For 6 – Fall Edition  Floor 831 – Made another Mario  Floor 832 – Easy Sunday  Floor 833 – MonNESday II – The Sequel!  Floor 834 – Power Outage  Floor 835 – Welcome to the Future, Marty!  Floor 836 – Phew! Exhausted…  Floor 837 – GERSBERMS! MAH FRAVRIT MERVIE!  Floor 838 – Sweet Saturday  Floor 839 – Busy Sunday  Floor 840 – So Much to do, So Little Time  Floor 841 – TuesNESday Aftermath  Floor 842 – Three Wheel Car  Floor 843 – Halloween Speech Preparation  Floor 844 – Be Who You Want to Be!  Floor 845A – Greetings From Grand Rapids!  Floor 845B – Trick or Treat?!!  Floor 846 – The Fall Conference Recap…  Floor 847 – November Fun  Floor 848 – Fall Conference Recap Speech Preparation  Floor 849 – Toastmasters District 62 Fall Conference Aftermath  Floor 850 – Thursday Speech Preparation  Floor 851 – Relaxation Time  Floor 852 – Saturday Dinner  Floor 853 – Check, Check and Check  Floor 854 – Early Shift Tomorrow…  Floor 855 – Stressful Day is Stressful  Floor 856 – Last Green Haircut?  Floor 857 – Tired…  Floor 858 – TGIF Indeed…  Floor 859 – SaturNESday  Floor 860 – Another Day to Relax…  Floor 861 – Feeling a Little Creative…  Floor 862 – Another Toastmasters Tuesday  Floor 863 – WedNESday at My Friend’s Place  Floor 864 – Another Toastmasters Thursday  Floor 865 – Time to Relax  Floor 866 – Phew! Done…  Floor 867 – The Saga Continues  Floor 868 – Good Grief!  Floor 869 – Revenge of the Sith  Floor 870 – Thanksgiving Eve  Floor 871 – Happy Thanksgiving!  Floor 872 – Shop Till You Drop  Floor 873 – Just Deserts  Floor 874 – A Day in Ruins  Floor 875 – Click Till You Drop  Floor 876 – The Countdown Begins  Floor 877 – A Quick Start  Floor 878 – O Christmas Tree  Floor 879 – FriNESday  Floor 880 – DEC the Halls…  Floor 881 – Good Night…  Floor 882 – Another NESday…  Floor 883 – Trip Down Memory Lane – Part II!  Floor 884 – You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch  Floor 885 – Trip Down Memory Lane – Part III!  Floor 886 – Cutting the Fat  Floor 887 – All in a Day’s Work  Floor 888 – Taking a Breather  Floor 889 – Speech Preparation  Floor 890 – One More Gift  Floor 891 – Last Chance to See Second Chance…  Floor 892 – The Force Awakens Tonight  Floor 893 – Jedi Hangover  Floor 894 – Merry NES Gifts  Floor 895 – Trip Down Memory Lane – Part IV!  Floor 896 – I’m All About That List…  Floor 897 – The True Meaning of Christmas  Floor 898 – All Aboard!  Floor 899 – Twas the Day Before Christmas…  Floor 900 – Merry Christmas!  Floor 900 – Tower of Muses: The Ninth Ascent


The high today is going to be 43 degrees and the silver lining is having this 900th post made.

To all of you who have ever completed a major milestone, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.

Just like entry 800, she’s right!  The entire entry is typed!  And there’s that message at the end!  Aw…How thoughtful.  I don’t understand how a narrator got into my post.  Oh well…Oh!  There’s the cookie and the egg nog!  Mmm!  That was a good cookie!  And that egg nog was good, too…

Now I’ll…What’s going on?  Just like before!  It’s happening once again!  On the bed!  My Muse is flashing…

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