Once again, we have arrived at another milestone. A mandatory and objective milestone that will unfortunately and undoubtedly beyond certainty include an nearly identical post from Day 600. I don’t know about you, but with it being a day that I have to close, the LAST thing I want to do is spend the next 3-5 hours constructing a profoundly monumental and redundant display of my writing prowess.
I am sure that you are all aware of how things will transpire. (Another exciting redundancy as usual, but it’s still me from last time! The very same me from the 600th entry! You don’t believe me, do you? Well, go back and read the 600th entry and then go and tell me who’s lying. And while we’re on redundancies, how much longer is he going to recycle this piece of rubbish? I’m all about saving the environment, but recycling this for the sixth time in a row? This is getting ridiculous! There hasn’t been anything original since entry 100! Oh well. I need to acknowledge his busy life, as I am quite busy myself, re-narrating this over-narrated narration… For now, we will continue with this cheaply contrived recycled piece of milestone rubbish, rife with wit, dry humor, satire and sarcasm. Smashing! I don’t think that I will change a thing! Although I did change “500th” to “600th” and “fifth” to “sixth” but now we’re just nit-picking, aren’t we?) I will leave an introspective entry and then shift my point of view to first person. (Blah blah blah. Redundant again! REDUNDANCY WARNING! How many more times are you going to recycle this? Wait! I’ve said that already! Well it’s a good thing that I have included that redundancy warning! Otherwise, you would not have been forewarned of said redundancies. What? Did you really think that I was going to forget about it? I remembered! Go me! I rock!) I would then provide a predictable reaction from my Muse’s intended absence.
In a sheer attempt at humor, I redundantly acknowledge the composition of this entry. How I talk about this being another milestone, and that this is just a cheap reconstruction of an entry made 100 days ago. (Not quite. I removed the highlighted grammatical changes and included a note to the reader to reread the 600th entry which would provide a basis of proof that I am the same narrator that narrated 100 days ago.) How original! You would have to be exhausted to pull off something like that! How I am aware of how things will transpire. How I would leave an introspective…wait! This is getting too redundant, and is on the brink of being extremely absurd and ridiculous. Is it too late to start over? (Genius! Considering that you already typed the first two paragraphs, I would just delete them. Just be sure to save my interjections. They’re pure gold, I tell you! Nevermind…You kept them…) With that, we will press on.
Blah blah blah…Long profound…wait! This is redundant! Wasn’t this mentioned in day 600? We know what happens next already. The overdone exposition about the Muse and why she is not here, approaching the tower (Yes. This tower is different from the one that you saw in Day 600. It always is! It’s different every 100 posts!) Let’s avoid the redundancy about being redundant, shall we?
But, breaking away from the overly astute sarcastic narrations that get more and more repetitive and redundant with the passing of each 100th post, I notice that this tower is… (An ellipses with four dots! I thought that I corrected them all last time! Oh well…Narrators aren’t always the best proofreaders, I guess…) different. Yes. The tower is a little bit taller (About 100 stories taller, to be exact! My are we smart!), but just to be sure. We will have a look inside and see… (And another! Somebody call the Ellipses Police…)
Time to recycle some text from my previous entry, with some subtle edits to make it resemble something slightly different, with the attempt of sounding original and new, since these milestone posts would be boring without that. (I’m all for originality! Let’s be brave! Let’s make something slightly different so that no one will ever notice!)
After standing there for a while, I finally entered through the door. Sure enough, the same field was there. (Same field? We should really change the scenery a little bit. Maybe in a later one, perhaps? But this is entry 700! Maybe we’ll wait until 1000…). I was surrounded by the same lush greenery as before. (The greenery was so green that Kyle started getting a headache from the overwhelming greenness. So green that all the environmental groups gave this very post their highest award for the amazing greenery and clean air that they could smell when they closed their eyes, trying to imagine a world very much like the greenery in this post.) Green clovers and wildflowers. Pink and red roses. Orange lilies. Purple daisies. Pink tulips. A sea
of color. Nothing was different from what I experienced 100 days ago. (Except for everything else in this entry that I changed so far. My, am I on a roll today!)
The colorful flowering sea led to a rather tall structure that sat far in the distance. A tall structure that looked even taller than before. Again, this was getting too predictable, having already experienced this before. And quite redundant. Every 100 entries, the tower’s a little bigger. We get it.
The tower looked like an ornately decorated office building – for women. The pink and white accents ran up and down the gold-adorned structure. The diamond-studded glass had a pink tint to it. (Oh please! The designer can only think of the ladies, can’t she? Well, I never!)
“A pink office building,” I said to myself. “Can’t my Muse be any more original?”
Let’s cut to the chase, and find out if this tower really is different.
I got attention of the same receptionist who sat there, typing 100 days back.
“So, is this the same Tower of Muses as before?” I asked her, just to make sure. (Oh, come on! You ask her that every single time! Shouldn’t you know the answer already?)
My Muse shook her head again and smiled. “No, silly! This tower is a little different. And there’s a teleporter thingy that will take you to the 601st floor!”
I nodded, with a slight grin on my face. And this was mainly due to the deja vu. “And this floor is still…”
“Floor 1,” she recited. “ExperiMENTAL. Tee hee…”
And of course the Dark Muse, which was then a bad idea, was just beginning to affect my Muse at this time… (*sigh*) ”Thank you,” I told her, proceeding forward to the mysterious portal that sat past the white service desk just before the elevators.
Upon entering the portal, she was right. I entered a new room, which resembled a different lobby. But this lobby had no exit, since this was the 601st floor.
Approaching a brown colored service desk, I saw a different Muse sitting there. But she wasn’t typing. In fact, she looked up right after I got to this floor. It was only a split second that I saw her typing…
“Welcome, Kyle.” she announced. “You are on the “See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil” floor. This floor is one of my favorites, since it captures who I am, 99 days ago…
I nodded, and looked at the elevators that were past her desk. “I would like to go to floor 700 now.”
At this, my Muse frowned. “Why? There are so many good floors!”
I advanced further to the elevators. I then sighed, and quite deliberately broke the fourth wall. The overly redundant redundancies have reached their limit for this post! Would you really want me to actually pick 6 to 8 random floors and stop on them? Sorry. It’s not going to happen this time, either. If you really wish to hear my discussion on the floors, you can visit any one of them by clicking on the links near the bottom of this post. Okay. If we don’t visit them, perhaps we should do this instead. I will briefly recap some of my favorite floors, after I have taken a few minutes to determine what they are.
There. After several minutes of reviewing all 99 entries, thinking and making a much needed edit over the older text, I have my list. It’s right here! I have it on my lap. Let’s see… (Another four-dotted ellipses? That’s the third one now!) I will put this in list form so that it will be easier for you to read. My favorite floors are:
Floor 601 – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil
Pretty self-explanatory. There is something that is different about my Muse, and she’s not about to tell me. What is it? Well, I’m not telling you. You’ll just have to read it and find out.
Floor 606 – Holding the Key
Believe it or not, I actually lost the one thing that I took for granted: my key fob. And in this one, I explain how I get it back. It’s definitely a good read, and your “key” to excitement.
Floor 608 – Springing Ahead
When you mix springing ahead, a 10 hour closing shift and 4 hours of sleep, you get an epic read. A brief tale about getting beat up by the clock. The time change affects everyone and it surely did with me the night before. Spring forward through this entry and read about the tired hero with an indomitable spirit. Stay on schedule and don’t miss this good read.
Floor 610 – It’s-a me, MAR10!
Believe it or not, Mario is not the star in this one. Read on and you will find out why.
Floor 612 – Calm Before the Storm
Everyone experiences “hurricanes” in their lives. But before these occur, there is a calmness that precedes it. Take shelter and read this. Do it quickly before the storm hits.
Floor 631 – No More Kyle…
How could my Muse be so cruel? If you take the “Me” part out of “Me & My Muse”, this is what you get. A cold and dark piece without Yours Truly. Read it if you can muster the courage. And if you are truly overwhelmed with sorrow, just read 632. All will be explained.
Floor 642 – Super Saturday
The plot thickens in the continuation of the Evil Muse saga. Is the Muse really devouring towns? What does this mean to humanity? Read this and find out.
Floor 649– Dough Shift and Friend Time
In this one, my Muse suddenly doesn’t feel pain anymore. What’s happening? Read more of the entry you must!
Floor 654 – A Little Evil
The Dark Muse was bad enough, but an Evil Dark Muse? Where did she come from and what does this mean for Kyle? Read this, and find out. Tee hee…
Floor 661 – Cavern of Coins
In this one, you get a fun little tour of Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker’s Mummy-Me Maze Forever. The tour comes complete with your own headlamp and pickaxe. It’s fun for the whole family. Just beware of the mummies.
Floor 664 – Toastmasters District 62 Spring Conference Aftermath – A Novel
Inspired by Kelly Swanson herself, I provide a riveting account of my experience at the District 62 Conference in Jackson. This story will capture your heart, and then return it to you nicely in a neatly wrapped package – just for you. Don’t worry. Kelly Swanson is really good with hearts.
Floor 666 – The Beast is Released
The day of evil has arrived. The Evil Muse unveils her powerful form and all hope is lost…Or is it?
Floor 676 – Charged Up
With my car battery dead, I needed to get a new one. And in this one, I’m also charged up about something else. What is it? Energize yourself and read on.
Floor 677 – Green Haircut and a Movie
Why did my Muse get so many headaches? All is explained here in the dramatic conclusion to the Evil Muse saga.
Floor 692 – Mandatory Concert Recap
In this one, I recap one of the best Weird Al concerts that I have ever been to. It’s a mandatory read and you will read it…or else. And you will have fun reading it…or else. Remember. Chairman Al Yankovic is watching…
Floor 695 – A Good Ending
This is it. The dramatic conclusion to the Evil Muse saga. Who will win? Does evil prevail? Or good? The fighting is epic and it will have you on the edge of your seat. A must-read indeed.
Wow! It looks like I had lot more favorites than what I thought. I included a little less than last time! Maybe I should’ve narrowed the list. But it’s too late now. Onward to the 700th floor…
My Muse, having heard the whole conversation, grinned.
“It’s amazing how much you know about those floors!” she told me. “Especially since you haven’t even visited them…”
“Oh, I don’t need to…” I told her. “I lived them!”
To that, she responded with a timid nod, and I proceeded to the elevators. I then pressed the up button a few times. Where are the elevators? With this many, I would think that at least one would be ready for me! A few seconds later, I entered the first elevator door that opened. It just happened to be the one next to me.
I entered the elevator and pressed the 700 button. Moments later, the doors closed.
At the very moment that the elevator moved upward, the service desk changed dramatically to black. The Muse’s hair and clothes became black.
“I thought that he would never leave,” the Evil Muse said, brimming with impatience. “Now, I will destroy this tower and Kyle along with it. I will then eat him! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!”
But Kyle’s Director’s Privileges prevented her from doing so. She remained powerless until Kyle granted her permission on the later floors.
Several moments passed. At this point, Kyle decided to be a little more unoriginal and once again reused some material from the previous milestone entry. Perhaps he’ll make it a little different so that they’ll never notice. Just enough changes to throw off the audience. How lazy of him! Can’t he get his brain thinking of any more original ideas? But Kyle would have none of that. He is just as determined to bring this seventh milestone post to an abrupt end. The good old recycled zinger. They’ll never notice! Unless the narrator reminds them…
Finally, moments later, the elevator arrived at the 700th floor.
Like the 600th floor before it, this floor was an enormous room, lavishly decorated. A desk sat in one corner and a king-sized bed sat in the other. Pretty much the same room as the 600th story, the 500th story, the 400th story, the 300th story, the 200th story and the 100th story before it, only the room was the same size as the 600th story, 500th story, 400th story and 300th story and the bed was light blue.
Oh! We agreed not to meddle with the following paragraph! As much as we want to, we can’t. It just wouldn’t be right…
And on the bed laid my Muse. She was fast asleep, with a note attached to her. It didn’t surprise me that she was sleeping, considering that creating this tower probably took so much out of her. Now I’m going to guess that the note will mention that the computer in this room will have this entry already typed. That even includes the later parts that you haven’t seen yet! Am I right? And this further adds to the redundancies that exist in this post already!
Attached to her hand was a note. And this is what it said:
To my master,
I made this tower for you and me. This is to honor your hard work and dedication for another 100 days of hardship, bringing the total up to 700. Thank you for your dedication to keeping this project going daily. If you look at your computer, the last entry is already written. I am still forever grateful to your kindness, your dedication to saving me and your gratitude.
I then looked next to the bed and noticed a directory which was much like the 600th floor, the 500th floor, the 400th floor, the 300th floor, the 200th floor and 100th floor before it. However, this was the directory for the Tower of Muses, only it covered only the next 100 floors. I looked at the directory.
The Tower of Muses – Directory – Floors 601-700
Floor 601 – See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil Floor 602 – Starting the Day Early Floor 603 – Speech Contest Floor 604 – Bacon-Wrapped Closing Shift Floor 605 – Respite and a Meeting Floor 606 – Holding the Key Floor 607 – Hitting the DEC in Midland Floor 608 – Springing Ahead Floor 609 – Warmer Conditions Ahead Floor 610 – It’s-a me, MAR10! Floor 611 – Birthday Closing Shift Floor 612 – Calm Before the Storm Floor 613 – Thirteen is Just a Number… Floor 614 – Easy as Pi Floor 615 – A Sigh of Relief Floor 616 – Another Sigh of Relief Floor 617 – Lucky Day Floor 618 – Corned Beef Leftovers Floor 619 – No Time Floor 620 – Spring Fever Floor 621 – Nine Hours, Nine Days… Floor 622 – Another Busy Sunday… Floor 623 – Two Days Left… Floor 624 – Almost There! Floor 625 – The Golden Light at the End… Floor 626 – Eyes on the Prize Floor 627 – Tired Floor 628 – Hitting the DEC in Jackson Floor 629 – Early Sunday Shift Floor 630 – Making More Dough… Floor 631 – No More Kyle… Floor 632 – April Fools! Floor 633 – Work and a Meeting Floor 634 – Good Friday Floor 635 – Pre Easter Morning Shift Floor 636 – Happy Easter! Floor 637 – Monday Morning Shift Floor 638 – Toastmasters Tuesday Floor 639 – Wacky Wednesday Floor 640 – Thirsty Thursday Floor 641 – Fun Friday Floor 642 – Super Saturday Floor 643 – Scorching Sunday Floor 644 – Friend Visit Floor 645 – Evening Movie Floor 646 – Closing Up – Part II Floor 647 – Open House Floor 648 – It’s Friday and I’m Tired Floor 649 – Dough Shift and Friend Time Floor 650 – New 3DS… Floor 651 – Just a Closer… Floor 652 – Work and a Toastmasters Meeting Floor 653 – A”mazing” Floor 654 – A Little Evil Floor 655 – The Relief Begins… Floor 656 – A Much Needed Respite Floor 657 – Closing Time Floor 658 – Closing Time – Part II Floor 659 – Open For Business Floor 660 – Closing Time – Part III Floor 661 – Cavern of Coins Floor 662 – The Story in You Floor 663 – Greetings From Jackson! Floor 664 – Toastmasters District 62 Spring Conference Aftermath – A Novel Floor 665 – Meeting Minutes Floor 666 – The Beast is Released Floor 667 – Meeting Minutes: Impossible Floor 668 – Meeting: Impossible Floor 669 – Green Haircut – Spring 2015 TGIF Edition Floor 670 – Rained Out Floor 671 – Happy Mother’s Day! Floor 672 – Late and Short Floor 673 – Late Again Floor 674 – Bite-Sized and Sunny Floor 675 – Easy Thursday Floor 676 – Charged Up Floor 677 – Green Haircut and a Movie Floor 678 – Making Dough on Sunday Floor 679 – Green Haircut – Duel Circuit Floor 680 – Toastmasters Election Floor 681 – Survivor Finale Night Floor 682 – ATM Malfunction Floor 683 – Mandatory Propaganda – Part II Floor 684 – Saturday Closing Floor 685 – Sunday Sigh of Relief Floor 686 – Brown Haircut Floor 687 – Are you Serious?! Floor 688 – Almost Done Floor 689 – Concert Eve Floor 690 – Mandatory Propaganda – Part III Floor 691 – Where’s the Recap? Floor 692 – Mandatory Concert Recap Floor 693 – Tiring Monday Floor 694 – Toastmasters Tuesday Floor 695 – A Good Ending Floor 696 – Toastmasters Thursday Floor 697 – Another Green Haircut and Getting Ready to Launch… Floor 698 – Getting DECed out in Grand Rapids… Floor 699 – All Day Sunday Shift Floor 700 – Tower of Muses: The Seventh Ascent
The high today is going to be 83 degrees and the silver lining is having this 700th post made.
To all of you who have ever completed a major milestone, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.
Just like entry 600, she’s right! The entire entry is typed! And there’s that message at the end! Aw…How thoughtful. I don’t understand how a narrator got into my post. Oh well…
Now I’ll…What’s going on? Just like before! It’s happening once again! On the bed! My Muse is flashing…