It’s been official for a while now. If you own a cell phone, chances are it’s a smart phone. It’s a phone loaded with unlimited apps and 4G coverage. A phone that you check every two minutes for any new facebook statuses. A phone that pretty much consumes most of your time and your wallet with data charges up the wazoo. Ladies and gentleman….I don’t have a smart phone.
Here is my phone. An LG VX8350. It never got a college education, so it’s just a dumb phone.
Dumb as it may be, it accomplishes what I want it to do. It makes calls and sends text messages. Besides that, the only other thing that I use it for is a stopwatch.
Muse: My phone is smarter than yours!
So? My phone doesn’t have data charges!
Muse: Well, MY PHONE has all these pretty buttons. I like pressing them. Tee hee….
Um, I think you just bought another app.
Muse: I did? I didn’t even notice….
Do you even know how to use that phone?
Muse: Not really. All I do is press buttons on it. Whee!
Who is it? Hold on, my phone is ringing. Wait. I know that number! It’s you!
Muse: Um, hi!
Did you know that you just called me by mistake?
Muse: I did? So that’s what that button does! Tee hee!
Children shouldn’t play with toys if they don’t know how they work.
Muse: I’m not a child!
Could’ve fooled me.
Muse: You’re doing it again. Urrr….How do I hang up this thing? I know! I’ll keep pushing buttons! Whee!!! There. I think that worked.
As I was saying. You shouldn’t have a phone if you don’t know how to use it.
Muse: Should it matter whether I know or not? Pressing buttons is FUN!
Fun for five-year olds.
Muse: You should try pressing buttons on your phone! It’s fun!
I only press them when there’s some PURPOSE involved.
Muse: Can I see your phone?
I guess. It’s not really as exciting as yours….
Muse: The buttons don’t change or light up. BO-RING!
Didn’t I already tell you? It’s a dumb phone. Something that you both have in common.
Muse: Shut up! You can have your stupid phone back. I like my phone better! It has more buttons to press….
You like to press my buttons, don’t you?
Muse: People don’t have buttons, silly!
Again, you don’t understand metaphors.
Muse: So what if I don’t? I’m not in school, so I don’t have to learn. So NYAH!….
It would be nice if I had a smart phone, though. I could get a Muse obedience app. Then I could control her….
Muse: Do I control you? I’m my own person, thank you very much!
I just want to have a better rein over my source of creativity. You are the driving force, after all….Anyway, do you want to play a game today? It seems like you’ve been begging to play games with me lately….
Muse: I don’t wanna play any games. I’m having too much fun with this. Tee hee!
No games? That’s too bad. It was your favorite one, too.
Muse: I’ll play it tomorrow!
Don’t you have anything else to do? Like look after my ideas?
Muse: Yeah. I’ll do that. They kind of died yesterday so I had to bring them back to life.
WHAT? Get back in there! Those ideas are like raising your own food, you know. The more mature they get, the better they taste.
Muse: I like the one I ate the best.
Which one is that? That could be any one of them….
Muse: It’s an extra special one. Tee hee!
And about those ideas?
Muse: I’m going, okay? I love these buttons. Whee!
I guess I should’ve named this post “Never give a Muse a Cell Phone”. She won’t tell me which idea she ate. She is what she eats, you know.
Anyway, the high today is going to be 79 degrees. The silver lining will be making more progress on my story.
To all of you who have smarter phones than me, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.
Muse: WHEE! I could do this all day! Tee hee!