Me & My Muse – Day 810: Pizza, anyone?

Okay, maybe I didn’t get that many pizzas, but I did get a few today.

Let’s just say that due to my intense craving for pizza, I decided to buy four of them.  There’s definitely a story to go with that so you will want to ask me sometime.

And if you’re wondering what I had for lunch today, I’ll just let you take a wild guess.

Now for dinner, there’s still three pizzas left.  And since I’m a little hungry, I think I’ll have some more.

Two of the pizzas that I bought were special ones.  The first one was a teriyaki bacon pizza and the second one was a barbecue Italian sausage pizza.  The last two were plain pepperoni pizzas.  Time to have some more!


Muse:  I can eat a couple of those!

I would rather you not.

Muse:  But I’m hungry!

Make your own pizzas.  And speaking of that, aren’t you concerned about your weight?

Muse:  It’s nice for you to mention that.  I actually wanted to talk to you about my weight situation.  At this point in time, it doesn’t bother me anymore.

Why not?  Is something wrong with you?

Muse:  Not at all.  After thinking about it, I understand that this transformation is only temporary.  When it’s over, I won’t be fat anymore.  Until this happens, I need to enjoy this transformation while I still have it.

Aren’t you worried about your blood pressure or heart rate?

Muse:  Normally, that would be a concern for a human.  But being an intangible, my health is normal regardless of weight.  As long as I have plenty of ideas, I will stay healthy.

What is your weight at now?

Muse:  Kyle.  You know that you’re not supposed to ask about a woman’s age or weight.


Muse:  It’s okay.  I’ll tell you anyway.  I weigh 575 pounds now, and I’m proud of every pound.

What did you weigh yesterday?

Muse:  500 pounds.

Your weight gain is increasing everyday.

Muse:  I know.  Isn’t it great?

Maybe to you it is.  But what’s going to happen when you start gaining weight in tons?  Pretty soon, it will be thousands of tons.  Then millions of tons.  Pretty soon, you will weigh more than this planet.  When that happens, you will have your own gravitational field, and will eventually crush the earth with your gravitational pull.  Then you will crush the sun, then the milky way, and eventually, the universe.

Muse:  You’re overreacting.  I don’t think that I will get that big, and if I do, I will try to save you.

But you can’t save me if you can’t save yourself.  When you’re planet-sized, things are going to start getting scary.

Muse:  And if I’m planet-sized, I will be a very nice planet.  I promise.

I don’t think you understand.  I think that you’re taking this acceptance about your weight a little too far.

Muse:  Big is beautiful!  Every day, I have to wear a bigger size.  I love it!  Now if you would excuse me, I have little snack to eat…

*Muse eats three bags of barbecue potato chips*

You call THAT a snack?  You just ate three bags of potato chips!

Muse:  That’s nothing, honey.  I can eat an all you can eat buffet!

I bet you can.  I hate to see what a meal looks like.

Muse:  I’m thirsty…

*Muse guzzles an entire gallon of milk*

That was WHOLE milk.  You knew that, right?

Muse:  BUUUUUUUUUUUURP!!!  So?  I love whole milk!

I think you love getting fat now.

Muse:  I’m just hungry!  Don’t you eat when you’re hungry?

I do, but not in outrageous portions like that.

Muse:  But if I ate your portions, I would starve to death.  Time for a REAL pizza!

*Muse makes a giant pizza appear*

You’re going to eat all that?  *uses Master’s Privileges*  Each slice weighs two pounds!

Muse:  I might be able to eat two.  I ate one yesterday.

*Muse scarfs down pizza, eating each slice in seconds*

Muse:  BUUUUUUUUUUURP!!!  That was good!  Time for dessert!

*Muse eats a quarter sheet chocolate cake*

Muse:  I’m still a little hungry.  Just another tiny snack will fill me up…

*Muse eats an entire box of Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls*

THAT’s a snack?

Muse:  It is for me!  That was good!

This is worse than I thought.

Muse:  No it’s not.  It’s good.  Celebrate the cellulite!

*Muse’s stomach flashes brightly*

Muse: Time for my favorite TV show…

What about reading?

Muse:  Oh.  I stopped doing that.  Didn’t have the energy.  The TV is a lot easier to watch.  Don’t have to move about a lot.  I love it!  Now, my show starts in a couple minutes!  Bye!

*Muse teleports in a large beam of light*

What is happening to my Muse!  I saw her stomach flash before she left.  It has to be the fat cells invading her brain.  Just a couple of days ago, she hated to gain weight.  Now she loves it.  It’s got to be that fat…

Remedy: It is.  That’s what you call “Intangible Fat”.

Intangible Fat?

Remedy:  It’s different than the fat that you have.  The kind that she has is full of Intangible properties.  Each Intangible fat cell is like an idea.  Too much of them can influence an Intangible being’s thinking.  And that is what you are seeing.

So the fat is doing this?

Remedy:  Exactly.

What can we do to stop this?

Remedy:  I’m afraid there is nothing we can do this time.  All we can do is wait.

Wait?  Can’t we do anything?

Remedy:  We can slow the weight gain process down, but that’s all we can do.

If we do, she can’t gain more weight than this planet.  If she does, we’re doomed.

Remedy:  Don’t worry.  I am working on a solution that will slow this process down.  I will slip it into her food so she’ll be able to ingest it.

Please do that.  I want my Muse to be normal again…

Remedy:  Just be patient.  All you can do is love her as she is.  This transformation is causing this, like she said.  The only thing that can stop it is her next transformation.

Okay.  I’ll try.

Remedy:  I’ll let you get back to your business.  Good night, Kyle!

Good night, Remedy!

*Remedy disappears in a beam of light*

Well, my Muse is not going to be normal for a while.  Until then, I’ll just have to wait.

Now, it’s time for that pizza…

Today’s high is going to be 76 degrees and the silver lining is getting some pizzas.

To those of you who love pizza, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.


Muse:  *gasp*  It’s taking so much energy to move around…Okay…It’s coming back on.  This is going to be good…