Me & My Muse – Day 10: Coffee is NOT for Muses

When I wake up, there’s usually two things that I think of that get me awake and going.  The first thing is a shower.  While a shower is usually enough to get me awake, I prefer the SECOND thing a lot more.  That item is the bitter ambrosia that most of us rely on to get us awake: Coffee.

Now some of you may not like coffee, but I’ll be honest.  I LOVE coffee.  Just two cups of it can keep me going for the whole day.  The stimulation effect from the caffeine does wonders for me.  Increased concentration and focus.  Increased alertness.  I gotta admit.  This performance enhancing drug is amazing.

So amazing, in fact, I think I’m overdue for my second cup….

 

Muse:  WHOO!  Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!  WHOA!  YEAH!  WHOO HOO!

What’s your problem?

Muse:  I was thirsty, so I saw this pitcher of black fluid and I drank it all!  It’s so amazing!  I feel great!  Do you feel great?  I feel amazing.  Do you feel amazing?  OW!  Headache!

You just drank the rest of the coffee!  Now I’m going to have to make some more!

Muse:  Is that what that stuff’s called?  I LOVE coffee!  WOOOOO!  Hee!  Tee hee! Tee hee!  Yeah yeah!

Now I’ll just add the grounds and….

Muse:  Can I have some more?

No.  Absolutely not!  How much did you have?

Muse:  I drank that whole pitcher!

The WHOLE pot?  No!  No more coffee for you!  Muses don’t drink coffee!  Especially hyperactive Muses that are on medication!

Muse:  So you’re not going to give me more, are you?!  Fine!  I’ll get some more myself!  Be right back!

 

As you can see, Coffee is NOT for Muses, especially my Muse.  She’s a little hyper, and apparently, coffee makes that 100 times worse.  And that reminds me.  There is a downside to coffee.  Nervous jitters, increased anxiety, headaches, dehydration and increased urination to name a few.

 

Muse:  I’m back!  I looked up coffee on my computer and I found a Starbucks.  I went there and I bought four triple shot espressos.  I drank them all and I feel even better.  Woo….yeah!  I think I’ll go back there and buy a dozen more.  WOO!  HEE HEE!!!

NO!  STOP!  Too much coffee can be fatal!

 

And of course, she doesn’t listen.  For everyone who is reading, do NOT attempt what my Muse is doing.  I love her ideas and creative energy, but she can be pretty stupid sometimes.

 

Muse:  Oh yeah oh yeah!  I just got back from Starbucks and I drank 12 more triple shot espressos.  I feel so amazing, I….OW!  OWWWW!  My head hurts!  I think I’ll buy some m…..EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  WAAOOOOOOOOOH!  I gotta pee! I gotta pee! I gotta p…..

 

And she passed out.  And….Oh no.  She’s….oh, that’s disgusting!  It’s dripping all over the place!

Everyone.  Let me spare you the disgusting details.  I need to get my Muse cleaned up and then back in my head.  She is not having anymore coffee and I’ll see to it that she’s banned from Starbucks forever.  No one needs to bring up this matter to her, as this is very embarrassing and you’ll make her upset.

Once again, the weather is going to be a scorcher at 94 degrees.  Since I failed at my silver lining yesterday, today’s will be getting more editing done on my story.  I will start on this after I give my Muse a shower.

Ugh.  There.  It’s a good thing she’s light…..There.

Now in the bathroom, I’m pretty much done talking about coffee.  Take the coffee approach or a shower to jump-start your morning.  As I am now reduced to a caretaker to the byproduct of my imagination, I hope all of you have a fantastic day.

 

Muse:  AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I peed!  I peed!  I wet myself all over!

WHAT?  I’m still writing?  Everyone.  Out.  This bathroom humor has gone waaaaay too far….

 

One thought on “Me & My Muse – Day 10: Coffee is NOT for Muses

  1. Now I definitely don’t remember this at all!

    Coffee is NOT for Muses? Says who? Just for writing that, I’m going to get a dozen Starbucks triple shot espressos and drink them all right now! Be right back!

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