Having gotten most of my morning routine done, I am now ready to put my car away for the winter. After taking care of that, I will then begin buying gifts for everybody…Whoa!
*gets teleported to Hyrule*
Oh. And I have this Ocarina of Time story arc to finish. This calls for the most epic abridging EVAR!
*somehow collects two other spiritual stones, opens up the Door of Time, unsheaths the Master Sword and gets frozen for seven years, embarks on various other sidequests, collects all six medallions in various dungeons, and awakens all of the Sages*
Wow! Somehow, I’m in Ganon’s Castle, in the large, spiral room leading up to the top. And…What’s that? I hear ominous and foreboding music…
*runs up to the top of the long and spiraling staircase as the theme of “Ganon’s Castle” repeats on a pipe organ louder and louder as I get closer to the room*
Here we go. The final room, where Ganondork is…
*enters room to find Ganondorf playing theme on pipe organ*
Ganondorf: Enjoying my music? Tough. I was playing to kill some time until your arrival…
So that’s how it is. I do admit. It is kind of catchy…
Ganondorf: Enough!!! The Triforce parts are resonating… They are combining into one again… The two Triforce parts that I could not capture on that day seven years ago… I didn’t expect they would be hidden within you
two! And now, finally, all the Triforce parts have gathered here! These toys are too much for you! I command you to return them to me!
To you? NEVER!
Ganondorf: You want to know what the best part is? I don’t even have to fight! My pawn will do it for me. Zalassa!
*Zalassa emerges out of Ganondorf*
Zalassa: That will be quite enough, Kyle. You heard him. Those toys that you both possess. Both of you can return them now. I COMMAND it!
So you’re Ganondorf’s lapdog, huh?
Zalassa: So you’re comparing ME to a mere animal? I am NOT a lapdog! I am Ganondorf’s shadow! I am his sword! I am his rearguard! Now both of you are stupid and deaf. Return the Triforces NOW!
*Zalassa raises her right hand, the symbol of the Triforce glowing thereupon. A stream of dark light surges towards Kyle*
Navi: Kyle! I can’t help you! Because of the waves of darkness, I can’t get close! I’m sorry, Kyle!
*Ganondorf hovers into the air, with Zalassa hovering in front of him*
Time for some tennis!
*Zalassa charges up a powerful beam and launches it at me*
Oh yeah? Back at you!
*Zalassa strikes the beam back at me*
I could do this all day…
*the back and forth volley continues for a few minutes*
Zalassa: You DARE call me weary? I am just getting started!
*16 hours later*
*yawn* I am getting tired of this endless volley. Take…THIS!
*strikes Master Sword hard, causing beam to hit Zalassa and Ganondorf from an unexpected angle*
She’s down! Time to strike while the iron is hot!
*jumps over ledge and strikes her 12 times with the Master Sword*
Zalassa: Urrrr!!! You will certainly PAY for that!
*does a backflip as Zalassa and Ganondorf gets back up and floats into the air again*
Zalassa: Can you manage two?
*both Zalassa and Ganondorf charges up powerful beam and launches them at me*
Two? No problem!
*volleys both beams for 10 minutes*
Really? I’m getting tired of playing tennis.
*charges up Master Sword*
*strikes both beams, which hit both Zalassa and Ganondorf directly, causing them to fall on the high center platform again*
This should finish you off!
*jumps across cliff and strikes Zalassa 12 more times*
Zalassa: URARRRGH!!!!!!!! This isn’t the last that you have seen of me! Mark my words!!!!!
*Ganondorf lays on the ground, gasping for air, and coughing up blood*
Ganondorf: The Great Evil King Ganondorf…beaten by this kid?! Kyle….!
*Ganondorf conjours a blast of magic that destroys the roof and walls of the room. Thereafter, he collapses*
*the crystal containing Muse disappears*
Muse: Ganondorf…pitiful man…
Yeah yeah yeah. After this is an escape sequence that I really want to skip, so that’s what we’re going to do. One Privilege, ENGAGE!
*Muse and I both teleport to the outside of the collapsing Ganon’s Castle*
What do you know? The entire castle is collapsing in such a way that it’s forming an arena for the final battle!
Muse: Do you always have to do that? As it is, you basically skipped everything!
Well, do you want to do this during Thanksgiving? Abridging this whole story arc was necessary. You’re welcome.
Muse: Um…Thank you?
*Muse looks around and notices the silence that followed after all the dust settled from the Castle collapsing*
Muse: It’s over…it’s finally over…
Navi: Kyle…I’m sorry I couldn’t help you in the battle before!
*smirks* Is it REALLY over?
*a rumble is heard*
Muse: What is that sound?
*as Kyle draws near the center of the floating island, a ring of fire appears along its perimeter*
A ring of fire? Johnny Cash, eat your heart out!
*Ganondorf rises from the debris. He uses the Triforce of Power to assume a form referred to as “Ganon” by Navi, in which he appears similar to a large, anthropomorphic pig*
Ganon’s back, huh? At least I have this Master Sword to take him out!
*Ganon knocks the Master Sword out of Kyle’s hands, to the fire’s exterior*
Not to worry. I can weaken him with Biggeron’s Sword!
Navi: There’s no way he’s going to hold me back again! This time, we fight together!
Let’s do this!
*Ganon approaches me, but I roll under his legs and spin slash his tail a bunch of times, completely stun-locking him*
There. He’s weakened. I can now get to the Master Sword!
*reclaims Master Sword and equips it*
Have at you, Ganon!
*dives underneath Ganon’s legs again and strikes him in the tail numerous times with a seemingly endless stream of spin-slashes, which completely stun-locks him again*
*Muse strikes Ganon with magic*
Muse: I’m using my power to hold the Evil King! You use your sword and deliver the final blow!
*the Master Sword’s blade glows momentarily*
Muse: Use the Master Sword! Destroy Ganon with the sacred sword!
*hoists Master Sword up and drives it through Ganon’s throat*
*Ganon coughs up blood and convulses with pain*
Muse: Six sages…Now!!
Meanwhile, in the Chamber of the Sages…
Rauru: Ancient Creators of Hyrule! Now, open the sealed door and send the Evil Incarnation of Darkness into the void of the Evil Realm!!
*The Sages become spheres of light and merge together, forming a portal that consumes Ganondorf and drops him into an abyss*
Ganondorf: YOU… CURSE YOU…MUSE! CURSE YOU…SAGES!! CURSE YOU…KYLE! Someday… When this seal is broken… That is when I will exterminate your descendants!! As long as the Triforce of Power is in my hand…
And that’s it! From here, we just have a very long credits sequence. Let’s skip that and take a break for Thanksgiving, huh?
Muse: Certainly! Nice abridging, by the way!
Thank you! Playing a hero that was both a child and a teenager wasn’t easy. I think I’ll turn back for Thanksgiving…
Muse: I think I’ll keep my form. Being Hylian will be a nice change for this year.
What about Twin Muse? She’ll join you for Thanksgiving, right?
Muse: Of course! She won’t join us as Zalassa, but as her original form. The Creator already told me that he was able to restore her form through Thanksgiving.
That’s good to hear. It’s time that I get going on my to-do items!
*teleports back to reality*
Phew! With that story arc done, it’s time to begin on that list.
Today’s high is going to be 50 degrees and the silver lining is being able to start shopping for everyone.
To those of you who like to start their Christmas shopping early, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.
Muse: I’m glad that arc is done! I knew what Kyle was trying to do, but I had to stay in character! Time to begin my own shopping for this year. What should I get for Kyle? Hmm…