Going Up

To all of you Christian singles that are preoccupied with pursuing your perfect match, stop.

Why should you stop?  Because what you are pursuing has consumed so much of your life that it has the risk of becoming an idol.  Before you make any other vain attempts at pursuing your “perfect match” you need to consider the relationship that you already have.  Yes.  We are all already in a relationship, and his name is Jesus Christ.

To those of you who are experiencing the pain and loneliness of being single, I would like to share a story with you.  One that I feel that you all should hear before hunting for your perfect dream date.

To all you think that I am hating on people that are pursuing a relationship, I am not.  It is human for everyone of us to have the desire for companionship.  Being in my thirties and still single, I have been struggling with that feeling for quite some time.

To address that struggle, I’ll take you to where my story begins.  About a month ago, I was overcome with this desire.  I had to marry, and I had to find the right woman for me.

So I did what any person would do who had this desire.  I went on Amazon and bought some books on relationships.  I read The Dating Manifesto by Lisa Anderson from cover to cover.  That wasn’t enough for my unquenchable desire for a bride.

From the last book I read, I discovered Debra Fileta, and her True Love Dates website.  I read a few articles and listened to a podcast.  This led me to buy both of her books.  True Love Dates and Choosing Marriage.

While Choosing Marriage came first (thanks, Amazon Prime!) True Love Dates took forever since it came through another distributor.  When it got to my house, I started reading it.  Very. Carefully.

I finished the Dating Inward section and started on the self-inventory.  In just one weekend, I answered all 28 questions.  I was dating myself, and I learned so much from doing so.

Then I started reading the Dating Outward section.  I read about the different seasons of dating and the fuel was added to the fire.  My passion for marriage was burning out of control.

I then read about protecting my heart and the sex chapter.  And that was it.  My loneliness consumed me completely.  Nothing could put out my burning passion for Godly woman.  I needed one.  Badly.

So from there, I joined the first impressions team at my church and became a greeter.  I joined an adult discipleship group and joined a young professionals small church.  With all this, I thought that I could up my odds at getting a special friend.

Then I read chapter 9 of True Love Dates.  This was the first of the Dating Upward section, and it covered the love triangle theory.  Basically, God is at the top of it and both me and my significant other would meet at the top, where God is.  I read on and found out that Debra wasn’t doing this.

And neither was I.

My burning passion.  My desire for the woman of my dreams.

It became an idol.  I was not pursuing God but pursuing a woman that I hoped would make me happy if I succeeded in that pursuit.

So with that, I did exactly what Debra did.  I abandoned my pursuit entirely and shifted my focus to Jesus Christ, the one that I should’ve been focusing on in the first place.  Jesus says it best in Matthew 6:33:  “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

After I decided to do this, I felt a great peace come over me. All the time that I was pursuing a woman, Jesus reminded me that he was the one that I should be pursuing.  He was pursuing me the whole time and I didn’t even recognize it.

So please.  Don’t go making an idol of pursuing your other half.  God is not a genie or a vending machine where you can exchange your good church duties for a match made in heaven.  Jesus is the match you should focus on first.  Trust me.  God knows every one of our needs and he’s waiting for you to run after him.

As I have abandoned my idol that I have made of pursuing a woman, I am now discovering the passions that God has for my life and making them my own.  I am forming a vertical relationship with Jesus Christ and leaving the horizontal one behind.  I am going up and I’m going to meet God at the top.

Are you?




I would like to thank everyone for reading this article!  Debra is an amazing person and I have learned so much from her book True Love Dates!  Go over to her website truelovedates.com and check out her blogs, podcasts, her two books and her other resources!


And to all who are on every end of the relationship spectrum, have a blessed day!

Kyle Walker

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