Me & My Muse – Day 886: Cutting the Fat

Having worked my last shift for the week, I can finally relax…


Muse:  So I guess that we can continue, huh?

That’s right.  Master’s Privileges, ENGAGE!

Muse:  Kyle, I just made a decision.  Please don’t hate me.

What decision did you make?  And man!  you’re almost as big as a house!  Literally!

Muse: The fat wins.  I’m not going to fight it anymore.  In fact, I haven’t fought it for quite a while…

So you just gave up, huh?

Muse:  That’s the thing.  I didn’t want to tell you, but I have been playing along the whole time.  All the times that I said that I was in control…she was!

So you lied to me?

Muse:  Yes…But how can you say no to her?  I truly admire her.

What did you say?

Muse:  I adore her, and you should too.  She is the queen of cellulite, and you should revere her.

I will never revere that tub of lard!

Muse:  You should.  I order you to.

You can’t order me or make me.

Muse:  Oh yes I can.  You know how I’m about the size of your house?  That is not my actual size.  I am much bigger than that.

*Fat Muse flashes and grows ten times her size*

Muse:  Now revere her, or I will eat you.

I will never revere her!

Muse:  Revere her!  I, Little Miss Toothpick order you!

Little Miss Toothpick?  You’re not my Muse!

Muse:  Of course not, little pipsqueak!  Your Muse is no more.  Everything belongs to me, including her voice!

Nice act.  But I will not revere you…Ever…

Muse: Didn’t think you would, you little runt.  And you know what?  I’m starting to get very very hungry.  Time for a feeding frenzy!  Ha ha!

*Fat Muse floats into the air and sends out a powerful shockwave, sucking every food in sight*

So, how are you going to eat all that food?

Muse:  Watch this.  A new ZIP code is about to form!  Ha ha!

*large swarms of food touch the flashing Fat Muse and disintegrate, dissolving into her*

So you’re pretty much absorbing the food into you?  What are you going to do when you run out?

Muse:  Generate more food, of course!  I’ll start with your planet.  Ha ha!

*Muse absorbs large swarms of food, and continues growing at an alarming rate*

Whoa!  You’re bigger than my neighborhood!

Muse:  And I’m still very HUNGRY!

*food from all over the world gathers together into a giant pillar and plunges downward into her*

Muse:  I’m out of this world!  Ha ha!

*Muse generates another world’s supply and continues absorbing food*

This is getting out of hand…

*uses Master’s Privileges to create a breathing apparatus and floats into space*

You just outgrew the moon!

Muse:  And now I’m going to eat it!  Ha ha!

This is getting stupid.

Muse:  Look who’s stupid?  I’m way bigger than you and you still haven’t revered me.  Revere me or it’s bite-sized morsel time!

I will never revere you!

Muse:  Snack time!  Get over here, pipsqueak!

Whoa!  I’m getting sucked into her gravitational field…and…my Master’s Privileges are not working!  Noooooo!!!!

*gets sucked and absorbed into gigantic Fat Muse*

It’s dark.  This must be where everything goes before it’s digested…or does she even do digestion if she’s intangible?

???:  No.  Everything just vanishes into thin air…forever.


Remedy:  I’ve been inside her for a while now.  Don’t worry.  It’s all according to plan.

When did you do this?

Remedy:  A while back.  I made myself invisible and smaller than her food so she could consume me.  I wanted to find where Muse is.  She’s close by.

Muse:  Kyle?  Kyle!  The little pipsqueak!  Ha ha!

Remedy:  What that fat said was correct.  Everything belongs to her now, both inside and outside her body.

Then why are you here?

Remedy:  Where else can I go to make an antidote?  I have created a fat blocker that should buy us some time.

What time do we need?

Remedy:  Look.

*Remedy creates a video monitor, which shows a view outside the Fat Muse*

Remedy:  From what you see, she is absorbing every planet and star in the universe.  Even black holes.

This is not good!  We need to stop her before she absorbs the whole universe!

Remedy:  This fat blocker will help us.  Don’t worry.  When activated, it will freeze her.  We will escape with the Muse, and we’ll put an end to this.

So that’s why you’re inside her!

Remedy:  Of course!  How else would this fat blocker work?!  She would have to consume it!

And she would never consume it if it were outside her!

Remedy:  Exactly.  Now we need to hurry!

Oh no!  She’s absorbing everything faster!

Muse:  Mmm!  Those nebulas are good!  Ha ha!  Time for another galaxy…

Remedy!  She almost has the entire universe absorbed!

Remedy:  Trust me.  We don’t want to be too early.

Muse:  Whoo!  My stomach is aching really bad!  Time for some superclusters!  Now…It’s all gone.  Time to generate some universe-sized portions of food!  Ha ha!

Remedy:  Now!

*fat blocker activates, freezing the Fat Muse*

Remedy:  Let’s escape.  I used a sleep spell on Muse so she won’t bother us.  She is still under that fat’s control.

*teleports outside the universe-sized Muse with Remedy and the Original Muse*

Everything is pitch black, except for that universe-sized Muse!

Remedy:  She consumed everything, so there’s only one thing left to do.

You’re not going to…

Remedy:  I have to.  If not, the universe is going to stay in her.  I need to make her vomit up the whole universe.

And you have another concoction that will do that, right?

Remedy:  Exactly.  It’s another fat blocker, but she’ll have a gag reflex when she tries to consume it.  This gag reflex will make her vomit everything that she has consumed.


Remedy:  Not exactly. When an intangible being vomits, there is no saliva or anything on it.  It is just as it was before it was consumed.

Nice.  Let’s make her purge!

Remedy:  Still hungry?  Try this!

*Remedy fires a fat blocker at the Fat Muse*

Muse:  *cough*  *hack*  What is that terrible thing  in my throat?  ICK!!! UCK!!!  K…ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

*Fat Muse vomits everything that she consumed, with both fat blockers coming out last*

Fat Muse:  So what’s the big deal with giving me that horrible filth?!  That stuff was repulsive!

Remedy:  You have something that belongs to us, and we won’t stop confronting you until we get it back.

Fat Muse:  Are you talking about Little Miss Toothpick?  Fine!  You can have her! But what about me?

Remedy:  Get out of her and I’ll tell you what I have arranged.  Then give everything back that belongs to her.

Fat Muse:  Everything?  Okay.  Coming out!

*a large floating blob of fat exits the Muse*

Fat Idea:  There.  Little naked old me!  What else are you going to take away, Sir Stealsalot?

Muse:  I have an idea.  Here.  You loved being in my body so much, didn’t you?

Fat Idea: Of course!  It’s always been my dream to be in your body!  Ever since you were a little girl.  But no!  You always had to eat healthy food!  You shoved me aside and ignored me.  Like I didn’t exist!  *sob*

Muse:  There. There.  Just let me finish.  You like my body so much.  Since you do, how would like your very own clone?  You can be in her as much as you like.  Just leave me be.  Deal?

Fat Idea:  You got yourself a deal, sweetheart!  Lay it on me, big mama!

Muse:  Big?  Whatever happened to “Little Miss Toothpick”?

Fat Idea:  Just look at me, Miss.  I’m just a tiny blob of fat and you’re the Eiffel Tower.  That’s why I desire to be inside a body.  So much more room!  Ha ha!

Muse:  Very well.  Here’s your body!

*Muse flashes and generates a clone of herself*

Fat Idea:  Thanks Miss!

*Fat Idea enters Muse clone*

Fat Muse:  Now that’s much better!  This new body needs some filling out!  Ha ha!

Remedy:  Not here.  You will have your own dimension to get as fat as you want.

Fat Muse:  What if I outgrow the dimension?  I might need a bigger size!  Ha ha!

I hope you don’t!

Fat Muse:  I’m just kidding!  Chances are I won’t get that big again.  But I will be HUGE!  Ha ha!

New dimension for the Fat Muse!  Master’s privileges, ENGAGE!

*generates new dimension for Fat Muse*

Fat Muse:  Thanks, pipsqueak!  Time to feed my face!  Chao!  Ha ha!

*Fat Muse vanishes in a puff of smoke*

There.  The Fat Idea is happy and where she belongs.  It’s now time to enjoy Christmas.

Muse:  Go on and celebrate without me, Kyle.  Despite her leaving, the fatness still remains.  I am still gaining weight…Until this 100-day cycle ends, this is my form.

But the 100-day cycle ends on Christmas!  I don’t want you to be miserable like this the whole time!  This cycle will end a little early.  Master Privileges, ENGAGE!

*Muse flashes and shrinks to her original weight*

Muse:  *sob*  Oh, thank you, Kyle!  Thank you!

*Muse hugs me tightly and kisses me on the cheek*

Anytime.  I want you to enjoy Christmas with me.  I don’t want a little weight to get in the way.

Muse:  Time to celebrate and watch more Christmas footage!  Now for year two! For me, that is the funnest year to watch.  Tee hee…

*Muse vanishes in a beam of light*

Thanks, Remedy.  You always know how to get us out of a pinch.

Remedy:  Anytime, Kyle.  Enjoy your evening!  I need to start wrapping her gifts…

*Remedy vanishes in a beam of light*

With another story arc finished, it is now time to relax.  I may work on my speech outlines tonight, or wait until tomorrow.  I’ll let you know for sure tomorrow.

Today’s high is going to be 48 degrees and the silver lining is having another story arc done.

To those of you who like happy endings, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.


Muse:  Same whiny me.  Man!  I never realized how much I cried back then.  So sensitive.  But that’s who I was.  Heh…

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