Me & My Muse – Day 803: Super Saturday

Super in the sense that I worked the last shift of my work week.  I get tomorrow off, work Monday and I get Tuesday off.

Since then, I have been in relax mode…well…almost.  I’m currently in the midst of trying to get all the last minute contestants/volunteers for this Thursday’s Area 15/16 Humorous and Table Topics Speech Contest at Hemlock Semiconductor Corporation in Hemlock, Michigan.  The contest starts at 6:00 PM and runs until 9:00 PM.  Shameless plug for the win!

 

Muse:  Kyle!  I now weigh 185 pounds!  I gained 60 pounds since I last talked to you!

Well, what have you been eating?

Muse:  Just a couple slices of pizza and a couple cookies!

Just a couple, huh?  What else?

Muse:  Last night, I had a couple chips!

Just a couple?  I don’t buy that.  To gain that much weight, you are clearly eating a lot more than that.  How much did you eat?

Muse:  Just what I told you, okay?

You’re sweating and your face is beet red.  Tell me the truth!

Muse:  Um…I gotta go! Bye!

What?  So you can go and eat behind my back?  That’s what you’re doing.  Right?

Muse:  …

Right?!

Muse:  *sob*  Can’t I just go and have some time to myself?  The clothes that I wore a couple days ago don’t even fit!  Even the clothes I wore yesterday don’t fit!  I have gone from a size 4 to a size 19!  I’ve gained 15 sizes in three days!  15!!!

*Muse vanishes back into my head in a flash of bright light, sobbing*

I better go and follow her.  I need to see what she is doing behind my back.

*teleports to the Realm of Imagination and makes self invisible with the Master’s privileges*

There’s her house.  Now what’s going on?

*teleports inside Muse’s house, inside her bedroom*

 

Muse:  I’m too embarrassed to eat in front of him.  I mean, I can’t really tell him how much I REALLY eat!  That would be humiliating! Time for dinner!  Oh!  My stomach hurts!  I’m getting really hungry!

*Muse generates large table filled with food and eats a supreme pizza, two half-pound loaded double cheeseburgers, two bags of chips, a quarter sheet chocolate cake, a half gallon of vanilla ice cream and a gallon of whole milk*

That’s a lot of food!

*teleports outside of Realm of Imagination*

Now that makes a lot more sense.  If that’s one meal, that’s not enough calories for her to gain the weight that she described.  Her transformation must be adding more calories to the foods that she’s eating as she eats it.  Come to think of it, I think that I saw her stomach flash as she was eating.  This is not good at all…

Well, hopefully there is a way to stop all this weight gain.  My Muse won’t be herself until this happens.

Today’s high is going to be 67 degrees and the silver lining is having the rest of this Saturday off and being done with the work week.

To those of you who like the end of work weeks, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.

 

Muse:  I’m still a little hungry.  Time for my after dinner snack.

*Muse eats a Big Mac, a large fry and drinks a liter of coke*

Muse:  I might have something before bed, too…BUUUUUUUUUUURP!!!

*Muse’s stomach flashes and continues to slowly bulge*

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