In regarding today, I am really excited about the Weird Al Concer…
Not again! It’s another transmission…I guess I’ll…
All communications have been temporarily terminated to make this announcement. This is a notice from the Honorable Chairman Al Yankovic. Your allotted time for learning all of Chairman Al’s anthems has expired. Tonight at 8:00 PM, you and everyone in your household will attend Chairman Al’s Concert. It is highly advised that you and your household leave for his concert early, as Chairman Al will not tolerate anyone being late, and will enforce the punishment that he deems appropriate for your tardiness and insubordination to him. So make it a point to leave early enough to accommodate for traffic delays, parking and checking in to the concert. Your invitation slip will be required to enter the concert. Again, remember the invitation slip, as Chairman Al will not tolerate anyone without it, and will enforce the punishment that he deems appropriate for your lack of preparedness and insubordination to him. So make it a point to remember those invitation slips.
Also be mentally prepared for the concert. Chairman Al wants to see smiles on the faces of everyone who enters to pay homage to him. A frown, grimace, glare, or any negative expression will not be tolerated, and all who demonstrate this reprehensible behavior will personally be dealt with by Chairman Al himself. Remember Chairman Al’s edict. Fun is mandatory, and anyone not having fun will be reported to Chairman Al. His Loyalty Enforcers will be watching everyone, and will report to Chairman Al anyone who is not having fun. So be sure to have fun. Laugh when Chairman Al tells you to laugh. Smile when he tells you to smile. And above all, salute him when he is in your presence.
Like the previous announcements, anyone who objects to attending the concert will be dealt with by Chairman Al himself. You will be tied to a chair and forced to watch all of his old accordion practice tapes for 27 days. You will do this while shouting “I serve and revere Chairman Al”. This is a penalty that you don’t want to have administered, so attending the concert is the most viable option.
At this time, you should know all of Chairman Al’s anthems, old and new, as everyone will be expected to sing them at the concert. Loyalty Enforcers will be watching, so you better be singing. Above all else, Chairman Al’s concert is mandatory. Everyone will attend it and everyone will have fun.
For the weather in your area, the high will be 85 degrees and sunny, with a 100% chance of serving your Honorable Chairman. The positive aspect of this day is you and your household going to Chairman Al’s concert to pay homage to him and sing his anthems. Again, he stresses that attending this concert is mandatory, and everyone who attends it will have fun, or else.
That is all.
END OF TRANSMISSION