Me & My Muse – Day 120: Tired….

Let’s be honest.  Aren’t you all tired of seeing these stupid entries show up everyday?  Some of you glance at them and the rest of you ignore them.

And for those of you who decide to read them anyway, you find that they are a big waste of time.  Let’s all read an entry where Kyle just talks with a stupid woman that he calls his Muse.  Why does he do this?  It’s probably because he doesn’t have a girlfriend or something….

And that’s only the half of it.  Nobody’s paying me to write these things.  This site has become a pointless journal producing useless content.  How many people want to read about my conversations with a person that I made up?  Hell.  I’d be better off with Roger Rabbit!  Just a site full of repetitive ramblings that nobody EVER reads.

The seeds are planted, but I’m getting no results at all.  I’m wasting time writing these things everyday.  Nobody reads them, and there’s no audience for this kind of thing.

Let’s talk reality.  I’m stuck with a part-time job making pizzas at Little Caesars.  And even with my boss giving me about 20 hours a week, it’s not enough.  How the hell are you supposed to live off of $130 a week?!  Let me remind you all that I have a college degree that is not even being put to use.

What is the degree, you ask?  It’s a Bachelor of Science Degree in Journalism.  Journalism?  Why don’t you go writing for newspapers, then?  I have, but I wasn’t paid for it.  For a short time, I wrote lifestyle pieces for Our Midland, the website for the Midland Daily News.  Now despite my contributed content, all I got were lousy movie tickets.  Heck.  That would be like being paid coupons instead of money at the job where I’m working.  To be more specific, my area of concentration of journalism was in advertising.

Now comes the question.  Why don’t you get a job in advertising?  I would, if I had an impressive portfolio full of ads.  I even interviewed at an agency all the way in Bloomfield Hills six years ago.  Their answer?  You didn’t get the job.  In addition to that, I have not done anything else with advertising.  Having that said, my degree is now a worthless plaque.

So what am I doing now?  I’m complaining on a blog that nobody reads about “poor pitiful me”.  Now have I tried anything at all to improve my employability?  Absolutely.

I am in Toastmasters, an organization that I have yet to see pay me back.  A committed “Toastmaster Junkie” has told me and a club that the organization has given so much back to her.  When will I see that happen in my life?  How can it help someone with a college education who is stuck in a dead-end job making pizzas?  My skills are underutilized, and I am not able to use them in that kind of work setting.

Now a Dow employee on the other hand will definitely benefit.  They already have a good job, and Toastmasters is their ticket to get an even better one.  So who does Toastmasters help?  Those who already have a job in a professional setting.  How does it help those at the bottom of the totem pole?  I almost have my Advanced Communicator Gold.  I have served five club officer roles, and I’m serving my sixth and seventh.  I have attended 9 District Conferences and various leadership training sessions.  I have judged speech contests at every level, from Club to District.  And I have even had an opportunity to time a District business meeting.  Despite all this, what am I doing?  I am still making pizzas, and those who are in poverty are better off than me.

How has Toastmasters helped someone go from nothing to totally successful?  Show me a Toastmasters magazine article where this has happened, and I will change my mind.  As far as I’m concerned, Toastmasters helps the business professional.  I have heard that Toastmasters helps with interviewing skills.  I just had an interview with the Arnold Center, and with it being more than two weeks since the interview, I am guessing that I didn’t get the job.


Muse:  Are you done?

With these stupid entries, I think I might be.

Muse:  I am talking about your attitude.  Nobody wants to hear your pity party.

What does it matter?  Nobody reads these stupid posts anyway!

Muse:  And what if they decide to read this one today?

Well, I guess they get to hear it all.  Like the title says.  I am tired.  Tired of wasting my time with these stupid entries.   Tired of not getting a chance to excel in this world.   Tired of being looked down upon for being different.  Tired. Tired. Tired.

Muse:  Well, I’m “tired” of you carrying on!

And I’m “tired” of talking to a character that doesn’t even exist!  I have a story to share, and I want everyone to be aware of my hardships and my struggles that I had to go through.

Muse:  Well, you could’ve done it in a different way.  I call this sulking and feeling sorry for yourself.  Why don’t you look at all of the good things that you have done, instead of the bad?  Believe me, I could go on about all the bad things that have happened to me…..And so can everyone else.  Just stop.

I’ll stop when the world gives me a chance.  Or should I say God?  I want one chance to make something of myself.  One chance for people to see me the way I want them to.  This is not who I always am, and like I said in earlier posts.  We all have our bad days….

Muse:  But after the storm, the sun comes out.  The bad days don’t last forever….

And this is the day of growth.  As I said before, The low days are the days that we grow the most.  They test what we are made of.  And our true selves come out during these tests.

Muse:  So is this the last one?  Is this goodbye?

It might be.  I’ll think about it.

Muse:  Well farewell if it is.  Otherwise, I’ll see you another day.


Well, that’s that.  As Toastmaster tonight, I have a meeting to plan.  I have yet to hear back from the Arnold Center about my interview.  Even if I don’t get it, I would like some honest feedback.

Like the title says, people.  I am tired of not seeing results.  If you have gotten through all this, I’m surprised you’re still here.  Yes, I blew up.  But we’re all human.  Humans with the tendency to hide our weaknesses from everyone else.  And I guess that’s for a good reason.  Good morale makes an effective and efficient workplace.

The high today is going to be 57 degrees and the silver lining is having the day off.

To all of you who are tired of getting hit with life’s curve balls, I hope that you all have a fantastic day.


Muse:  So he’s tired of writing these?  Please don’t erase my existence.  I am here for the sake of your sanity.  Don’t make this the last one.  Please keep writing them!

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